Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
thus making me awesome and them whores
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
