i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this beer tastes like vomit already
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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