some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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