its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
