Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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