i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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