Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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