Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
