I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
