Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
