How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
