i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
