Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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