so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
