Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
