I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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