I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
