I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
