dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
