I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
