I want you more than these girls want KFC
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
