Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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