she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
