drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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