The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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