I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
