Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
