so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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