Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
