Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
