apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize