you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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