I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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