I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
