you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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