All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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