Already got asked if we're dating
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
