just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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