I think my fart just growled at me.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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