i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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