Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
