worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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