I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
