Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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