Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
