dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
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