I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
