the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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