I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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