I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
