i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
