She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
