I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
