new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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