So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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