Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
