so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
