I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
