dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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