I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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