True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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