I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Randomize
