When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
