Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
