Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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