thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
