New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
