and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
