i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
