Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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