I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
