just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
