Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
