Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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