i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
