I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
